If I were a holiday I would be: Every day is Halloween in my head, so there you go. If I were a day of the week I would be: Wednesday. Apart from being the day on which I was born, I've also been compared to Wednesday Addams (the Christina Ricci edition, I'll wager) for reasons ranging from my deadpan sarcasm to my arsenic-fed complexion. If I were a time of day I would be: Dusk. Just enough light left to see by. If I were a planet I would be: "To the daughters of Ord Mantell, whose beauty is matched only by that of the pink clouds on the world that gave them birth. A billion tourists a year can't be wrong. But Ord Mantell is a world of grit as well as a world of beauty, as anyone who's ever sought out an underground vorsnkr fighting den can attest. This duality keeps it fresh and vital no matter what the universe throws at it. May that enduring spirit burn for all eternity." ~twopiearr If I were a sea animal I would be:"Ooh, girl/ shock me like an ELECTRIC EEL/ Baby girl/ Turn me on with your electric feel..." If I were a piece of furniture I would be: A mirrored bookcase. Style, meet substance. If I were a sin I would be: I guess wrath. Seems like I'm always ready to bust hell on something, or someone. If I were a historical figure I would be: One of the Suffragettes, probably. If I were a liquid I would be: Liquid nitrogen. Dangerous as the stuff is, it can be extremely entertaining. Anyone who grew up with Mr. Wizard knows that. If I were a tree I would be: Take a trolley tour in St. Augustine, Florida and they're bound to stop by this famous old oak or elm or something that has a palm tree growing right out the side of its trunk. If I were a flower/plant I would be: A Venus flytrap. If I were a kind of weather I would be: Thunderstorms. My lightning phobia only applies to being outside. If I were a musical instrument I would be: A keytar, natch. If I were an animal I would be: I get snakes a lot, probably because it's my Chinese zodiac sign and the profile fits me rather well. Beyond that, "serpentine" is probably one of my all-time favorite words. When I first started coming online, I considered that as a chat handle, but no dice--some stupid chick had beat me to it. What a waste. It would've fit me a lot better than it did that dizzy bitch. If I were a colour I would be: Violet, fuchsia, overcast gray or electric blue, my mood being the ultimate deciding factor. If I were a vegetable I would be: Asparagus. It has a dual reputation, one high-class, one a little more crude. If I were a sound I would be: Breaking glass. If I were an element I would be: Periodic table--Chlorine. It's poisonous, but not without beneficial properties. Ancient 4--Air, because with enough force behind it, it can find a way around or through anything. If I were a car I would be: Something black, with tacky vinyl decals and a vanity plate that reads "88 MPH". (My R'lyeh Calling heroine has one just like it.) If I were a song I would be: "Private Idaho"/ B-52s. For a more recent example, try "Disturbia/ Rihanna". If I were a movie I would be directed by: The Coen brothers. If I were a book I would be written by: Margaret Atwood and Stephen King, with a foreword by Hunter S. Thompson. If I were a food I would be: Steak tartare. If I were a place I would be: Er...the Star Wars galaxy? Since it does seem to be my home away from home lately. Dani O. of the Rogue Squadron, boy. The only X-wing pilot who chomps bubble gum and blasts her stereo during missions. If I were a material I would be: In my fantasies, Kevlar. In reality, I'm more like Velcro or elastic. If I were a taste I would be: Almonds (could be cyanide, could be dessert). If I were a scent I would be: See taste. If I were a word I would be: Lurid. If I were an object I would be: Something that could mutilate you if used incorrectly, but was designed for both practical and creative purposes. If I were a body part I would be: The middle finger. If I were a facial expression I would be: A smirk. If I were a cartoon character I would be: Probably all four Misfits wrapped up in one; Pizzazz's egotism, Roxy's temper, Stormer's self-doubt, and Jetta's manipulativeness. Now all I need are those cool-ass clothes. If I were a shape I would be: A scalene triangle. If I were a number I would be: Odd and prime, so I could stand solid. Never trust the composites.
-Nine years in Massachusetts and I haven't lost my Southern accent. -I've been a middle child since 1984. On one hand this is completely irrelevant, but on the other, it explains almost everything. -Proud member of the Immoral Minority. No, you can't have my civil rights. I'm still using them. -My life has a great script, but I'm still trying to twist the plot. -Nothing wrong with riding a bandwagon if they make an offer you honest-to-God can't refuse. No shame in walking/ driving yourself, either. -Give me all your 80's music and no one gets hurt. -I have no trendy psychological disorders; I take full responsibility for my own bullshit. You ought to try it sometime. Yeah, chances are I'm talking to you. -You can lead a redneck to culture, but you can't make him think. -Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. -Rock-Paper-Scissors is not, in fact, the solution to everything. But it doesn't hurt to try. -I don't remember being unable to read. -Add me if you're interested--I'm way too socially awkward to make the first move. Just don't shanghai me for the whole "My F-List is Bigger Than Yours" smackdown; I ain't your goddamn pawn.
"People like to make poison. If you don't understand this you will never understand anything." ~Margaret Atwood
"Everybody nosedive Hold your breath, count to five Backslap, booby trap Cover it up in bubblewrap Room shake, earthquake Find a way to stay awake It's gonna blow, it's gonna break This is more than I can take..." ~Peter Gabriel
"You know what's gonna happen to you? I am gonna march you over to the zoo and feed you to the yak...just as soon as I finish this drink." ~Mag Wildwood (Breakfast at Tiffany's)
Keep your cellar door(s). Crystal meth may be my favorite combination of words in the English language, or any other.
I love saying it. I love thinking it. Even though holding it in my mouth too long, savoring, makes me feel like I've bitten down on the pyro end of a sparkler...little acidic blisters sizzling along my lips and tongue. Succinctly, I can make myself feel some of the reported side effects. My imagination's that damn good.
Which brings us to the substance itself. I couldn't care less about using it to scramble my brain, or whatever it does. The only things that intrigue me are the sonic properties of its name.
Therefore, Crystal Method: best band name in recording history. (Bloc Party can take the first runner-up spot.)
~Dani O./ Glamoursnipe 2009
WEDGE ANTILLES (n): A badass starfighter pilot who will kill the fuck out of you.
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