I want a new drug

King of Me

When I was 12 years old, I learned that my hero was my birthday twin. I might not be qualified to hold his torch, but I owe a lot of the things I love most about myself to his influence.

When Bailey Sarian says "get better idols", she's clearly not talking to me.

Happy birthday, Uncle Stevie.

  • Current Music
    "Midlife Crisis" / Faith No More
cause love's such an old-fashioned word

The Hits Keep Coming

Notice how people who believe life begins at conception also seem to think it ends after birth?

Riddle me that, please.

Meanwhile, let's just go ahead and admit that the lone star on Texas' flag is their Yelp rating.

  • Current Music
    "We Care a Lot"/ Faith No More
everything counts in large amounts

Q-Bert Text Bubble

It amuses me to no end when "Christian" Tr*mp stans get shit up about my language. Listen here, Karen Stepford, you could be paying every bill I've got and that still wouldn't be any of your goddamn business. Go cry about it to your skydaddy; I've got no pearls to clutch and I genuinely DGAF.

Them: "Watch your language."
Me: "Why, is it going to do a trick?"
  • Current Music
    "Human Race"/ Red Rider
cause love's such an old-fashioned word


One thing I need to stop doing is looking for justice in tragedy. If it were just, it wouldn’t be a tragedy.
  • Current Music
    "The Forgotten Years" / Midnight Oil
u can't touch this

What's Birth Got to Do With It?

The astrology trend gets on my nerves. I realise my hatred for the practice is coloured by a bad experience with an astrologer who told me that - due to my specific sun and moon signs - I had no business in a creative or artistic field, thus escalating the greatest identity crisis of my life because I literally suck at anything that isn't artistic or creative. Seriously, I was in some genuine emotional anguish, and it haunts me to this day. (No, I will not disclose anything about my date of birth, other than what's on my 'About' page - I refuse to go through that again, good intentions or not.)

Straight up and down, though, I could tell you I was literally any sign, anyplace in my chart, and you'd work backwards from some randomly selected personality trait or another just to declare, "Oh yeah, that scans." Nothing in the damn cosmos made me this way other than my deep love of science fiction and astronomy. Not one. Damn. Thing. In my universe, astrology is only good for remembering birthdays: if I know your sign, I'll have a general idea of when to wish you many happy returns.

Just take my assertion that I'm a dirty martini with a sax solo moon and a mothman rising and go.
  • Current Music
    "Electric Youth"/ Debbie Gibson
everything counts in large amounts

Tar Heel of the Brain

Madison Cawthorn - the fuck was my part of North Carolina thinking? And the Trump-humping, Nosepicking, Mouthbreathing, Sister Fisting, Moral Majority Brimstone Baptist-ass county I grew up in hasn't even cracked 40% in vaccination rates, despite having the means RIGHT THERE.

You are all bad and you should feel bad. Don't even speak to me.
  • Current Music
    Contrapoints on YouTube
shout above the din of our rice krispies

Wholesome Content

Paul and I went for an afternoon walk along the Foss River. The highlights of which were "This field is private property, so let's have a whole-ass trail leading up to it"...and ducklings playing in the spillway while Mom stood lifeguard.

  • Current Music
    "Comet"/ The Midnight